Election night party

[gosling]

I've just been asked to run an interesting query at work. I need to find instances of potentially libelous words in our content and have been provided with a list of insults and swears in English and German. I feel I may need to use some them tonight. "Shitweasel" and "assmonkey" are my current favourites.

EPD - I could send you the full list for the swear filter, if you like

[GeenDienst]

Insults aren't libels per se in UKadia anyway. I know someone who was very relived to find that out, after repeatedly describing the chairman of his beloved failing football club as a c.nt, and being contacted by Messrs Bastard, Weasel, Shyster and Fucknugget on said chairman's behalf.

[El Pollo Diablo]

Oh no, I will be disappointed if literally every MP and all of the candidates running against them haven't specifically been called c.nts before I wake up tomorrow morning.

[Little waster]

Oh no, I will be disappointed if literally every MP and all of the candidates running against them haven't specifically been called c.nts before I wake up tomorrow morning.

In alphabetical order? I'll get Bowerick Wowbagger on the case.

[GeenDienst]

In alphabetical order?

In alphabetical order of parties would work fairly well.

[Gentleman Jim]

There is that web site that converts all mentions of "Trump" to "Drumpf"
Can anyone here do the same, to turn "Boris" into "Lying, Philandering c.nt"

[gosling]

Insults aren't libels per se in UKadia anyway. I know someone who was very relived to find that out, after repeatedly describing the chairman of his beloved failing football club as a c.nt, and being contacted by Messrs Bastard, Weasel, Shyster and Fucknugget on said chairman's behalf.

This is for just our Swiss journals. Apparently the law is different there.

[dyqik]

I recently added "sh.t" in. Not sure it was in the old filter. Dunno if that's strong enough. We have c..t. and t....e and k..t..a and y...b....r in there as well, so that might provide enough protection.

Does it have j***son, that well known euphemism for penis?

[JQH]

Yeah, pretty much skipped all the other stages and gone straight to existential despair.

All ideas for suitable methods to exterminate humanity are welcome.

Tailored virus. I did think about an asteroid strike but that would wipe out too many other species.

[Bird on a Fire]

So, the important question: which channel to watch?

BBC are going serious and weighty - Huw Edwards, Andrews Neil and Marr, Nick Robinson. Establishment white male bias.

ITV - George Osborne, Ed Balls, Ruth Davidson. Osborne will be visibly coked up, Balls will be dancing around to a Gwen Stefani anthem and Ruth Davidson will be rolling her eyes in exasperation.

Channel 4 is probably for people who want to watch the election, but kind of ironically, and want to be eased in gently as if taking an interest in the future of your society was butt stuff. Katherine Ryan is fabulous, I don't know who Rylan Clarke is, Clare Balding always seems like she should be riding a horse, Tom Watson could be fantastic, especially if he's hilariously acerbic, and I don't much care for Amber Rudd, other than as a description of fish eggs.

Sky News have only bl..dy got that lad Bercow on it. If anyone feels like chuckling along with him, outwardly happy but inwardly aghast that neoliberal Thatcherite is one of the most sensible and even-handed voices in modern conservatism, the show will be hosted by Dermot "O'Logical" Murnaghan.

Unless I get a VPN working I'll probably be switching between the BBC World Service, Radio 4 and Al Jazeera all night. Wish me luck.

[monkey]

So, the important question: which channel to watch?

BBC are going serious and weighty - Huw Edwards, Andrews Neil and Marr, Nick Robinson. Establishment white male bias.

ITV - George Osborne, Ed Balls, Ruth Davidson. Osborne will be visibly coked up, Balls will be dancing around to a Gwen Stefani anthem and Ruth Davidson will be rolling her eyes in exasperation.

Channel 4 is probably for people who want to watch the election, but kind of ironically, and want to be eased in gently as if taking an interest in the future of your society was butt stuff. Katherine Ryan is fabulous, I don't know who Rylan Clarke is, Clare Balding always seems like she should be riding a horse, Tom Watson could be fantastic, especially if he's hilariously acerbic, and I don't much care for Amber Rudd, other than as a description of fish eggs.

Sky News have only bl..dy got that lad Bercow on it. If anyone feels like chuckling along with him, outwardly happy but inwardly aghast that neoliberal Thatcherite is one of the most sensible and even-handed voices in modern conservatism, the show will be hosted by Dermot "O'Logical" Murnaghan.

Unless I get a VPN working I'll probably be switching between the BBC World Service, Radio 4 and Al Jazeera all night. Wish me luck.

Let me know how you get on with the VPN. Been having trouble finding a reliable one.

[GeenDienst]

The Ch 4 "last leg" one last year sounded promising but turned out to be shite.

My aim is to be on the very verge of alcoholic oblivion at 21:59, so that one last sip will do it one the Lord High Curtice of Pollvania hits the stage.

[Bird on a Fire]

I wisely took the precaution this spring of planting, and subsequently cultivating, two large plants of Satan's celery. So my mind will be mushed into a paste incapable of comprehending the desolation unfolding before it.

Mercifully.

[Grumble]

I’ll be at a Freemasons’ Christmas Party tonight, playing in a band for their entertainment. It’ll take my mind off exit polls and the like anyway.

[GeenDienst]

Do you have to show your nipple to gain access?

[murmur]

The swearing started a long time ago here (by which I mean more than usual and directed at various politicians and also numpties appearing on voxpops and eejit reporters).

For music, I did suggest some apocalyptic "post-Rock" earlier: Explosions in the Sky - The Earth is not a cold, dead place; anything by Earth, especially things like Primitive and Deadly; Red Sparowes, especially At the Soundless Dawn, with its closing tracks, Our happiest days slowly began to turn to dust and The sixth extinction crept up slowly, like sunlight through the shutters, as we looked back in regret...; or And So I Watch You from Afar's eponymous album, with Set Guitars To Kill, These Riots Are Just The Beginning and The Voiceless. Or I might even venture Mogwai's Like Herod (Government Commissions version), leavened with bursts from Hawk Is Howling and Mr Beast.

[Opti]

I'm doing ok here with a combination of the provided cable service, NordVPN and PrivateVPN. OK, it costs me a bit, but I'm able to watch what I want. Mostly. I don't know how long I can stay up tonight. Combination of S-i-L visting and possedness.

[Bird on a Fire]

Do you have to show your nipple to gain access?

So this is how I learn my wife is a mason.

I thought she was saying "Mexican" all these years.

[Grumble]

Do you have to show your nipple to gain access?

I, at 42, will bring the average age in the room down quite a bit. Showing nipples is not a tempting thought.

[JQH]

Not watching BBC because Laura Kuenssberg. Start with ITV and if the exit poll is bad I'll see if a combination of Channel 4 and whisky will make the world a better place.

[mikeh]

Do you have to show your nipple to gain access?

So this is how I learn my wife is a mason.

I thought she was saying "Mexican" all these years.

Why does your wife show you her nipple and then say "Mexican"?

@ Mods - if you wish to split the BOAF wife chat off into a sexy chatroom fora, then please do.

@ BOAF - you're an overlord-type, do what you want then, I guess.

[murmur]

I've started with the Red Sparowes (thinks - adjust volume up closer to Rhino Stun) and the first beer is about to be opened...Or will I have a slug of chilled vodka first? Or some of that damson eau de vie I got in Ludlow? Naaah, save the vodka and the eau de vie for later....

[mikeh]

I've just started on the port barrel.

For now, drinking the contents, but who knows, maybe I'll take an axe to it by dawn.

[mediocrity511]

My plan is exit poll and then bed. And then every time miniocrity2 wakes up I will check the news and watch the results roll in over the course of the night. I don't think I can hack staying up too late, but don't think I'm going to sleep well anyway.

[dyqik]

I've just started on the port barrel.

For now, drinking the contents, but who knows, maybe I'll take an axe to it by dawn.

How about some petrol and rag sticking out the bung hole?