Through the eyes of a rapist

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Through the eyes of a rapist

Poll ended at Thu Sep 30, 2021 9:45 am

I am a woman and have seen this or something like it before
7
21%
I am a woman and have not seen this or something like it before
2
6%
I am a man and have seen this or something like it before
13
39%
I am a man and have not seen this or something like it before
11
33%
I do not identify as a man or a woman and I have seen this or something like it before
0
No votes
I do not identify as a man or a woman and I have not seen this or something like it before
0
No votes
 
Total votes: 33

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Fishnut
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Through the eyes of a rapist

Post by Fishnut » Thu Sep 23, 2021 9:45 am

N.B. This article called "through the eyes of a rapist" is the "this" being referred to in the poll. Please take a look before voting.

Inspired by the male violence and harassment of women thread, I'm curious about how people are taught to stay safe. After every murder of a woman in a public place we see either police or other organisations telling women what they need to do to stay safe. They often include advice like "be aware of your surroundings", "walk on well-lit streets", "don't go out late". Some of this advice is sensible for anyone to heed, some is essentially victim blaming - if you weren't outside you wouldn't have been at risk in the first place. The advice is always to women and is always about how they should modify their behaviour in order to protect themselves. I have never seen anything directed to men and nothing that would prevent attacks in general, it's all focused on making sure that you aren't the target, who cares about the woman walking down the street after you.

I find this advice deeply patronising, not just because of the issues listed above, but because a lot of it is stuff women have been told all their lives. One of the first chain emails I ever saw when I was a teenager new to the interwebs was a version of this, called "through the eyes of a rapist". These emails always ended with exhortations to forward them to female friends and relatives to help keep them safe (we were never told to forward them to men - this was secret women's knowledge). I've seen so many versions of it over the years and the advice disseminated in so many different ways. To explain how influential it was to me, before I went travelling on my gap year (the first time I'd ever travelled by myself) I seriously considered whether or not to get my hair cut as it was long and usually worn in a ponytail or plait, something that apparently marked me out as a target for potential rapists. In the end I decided against it, reasoning that it would be giving into fear and letting the rapist 'win' before he'd even touched me, but if I'd been slightly less protective of my long hair (I still have it over 20 years later) then I suspect I'd have cut it just in case. I'm glad I didn't because, as you might expect for a chain email, it's full of crap.

But I may be unusual in seeing and being influenced by this advice and others like it. So I'm curious to know if the "through the eyes of a rapist" is familiar to others here, and if there's any gender divide. I'm particularly curious about the gender divide as I've always had a sense that this sort of advice is supposed to be kept secret from men. I don't quite know why - maybe because if they know our tactics they can adapt to them. It feels like another version of the whisper network but about men in general rather than about specific men.

Do men have their own versions about how to avoid getting attacked? Are men aware of the advice that women get? Are as many women aware of this advice as I think? More usefully, what sort of advice would actually be useful in preventing attacks against women? And how can we stop women thinking that holding their keys between their knuckles will let them fend of an attacker?
it's okay to say "I don't know"

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Re: Through the eyes of a rapist

Post by Woodchopper » Thu Sep 23, 2021 9:54 am

I've seen things like that before. That one and things like it are b.llsh.t.

Some women are at much greater risk of being victims others, and there is research on what factors matter. Things like hair length are not one of them.

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Re: Through the eyes of a rapist

Post by sheldrake » Thu Sep 23, 2021 9:55 am

I've never really encountered male-specific self-defence advice, but 'how would I handle getting attacked' is probably a subconscious driver for things like taking up boxing or lifting weights. Young men tend to get challenged by rival groups of young men when they're out at pubs and clubs in a kind of insane rivalry/violent sport between peers rather than the 'predator/prey' model that makes women feel unsafe.
Last edited by sheldrake on Thu Sep 23, 2021 9:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Through the eyes of a rapist

Post by El Pollo Diablo » Thu Sep 23, 2021 9:55 am

I remember seeing a chain email or something like that maybe twenty years ago, advising women on what to do, back when people of our generation used to forward on that sort of shite. Maybe it was a website, I don't really remember. I don't think I've ever seen advice to men on what to do to prevent attacks.
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Re: Through the eyes of a rapist

Post by Woodchopper » Thu Sep 23, 2021 9:59 am

Fishnut wrote:
Thu Sep 23, 2021 9:45 am
Do men have their own versions about how to avoid getting attacked?
I've never seen a piece of advice. But if I'm somewhere I don't feel comfortable I actively try to reduce my risk of being attacked.
Fishnut wrote:
Thu Sep 23, 2021 9:45 am
More usefully, what sort of advice would actually be useful in preventing attacks against women?
I'll try and summarize some research later, bit pressed for time now.

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Re: Through the eyes of a rapist

Post by nekomatic » Thu Sep 23, 2021 10:05 am

I answered yes because I’ve seen a number of the points of advice before, mainly the self-defence ones and not being distracted from your surroundings by your phone. I’ve not seen the hair advice, or a compilation under this kind of title.
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Re: Through the eyes of a rapist

Post by Bird on a Fire » Thu Sep 23, 2021 10:47 am

When I moved to Brazil I was given advice by various well-meaning locals. Try not to "look rich" or foreign (apparently I'm a natural at that), never use electronics in public, don't walk alone late at night, don't walk on streets with no streetlights, avoid certain areas altogether, use Uber rather than taxis, etc. A couple of times homeless people came up to me in the street and warned me that they could see the outline of the phone in my pocket which could make me a target, not in a threatening way and without asking for money.

Most people I knew there had been robbed at gunpoint at some point. I heard shots every night. Someone got killed just outside my building. It does get into your head a bit, always looking over your shoulder.

Mrs BoaF grew up in similar conditions in Mexico. She says that since moving to Portugal, she still has those instincts but is a bit more relaxed when making decisions, e.g. crossed a park by herself for the first time in her life, and doesn't fear the 10 minute walk home from the station after sunset.

In Europe I never really think about this stuff, as I don't really have anything valuable and don't fear for my personal safety. But I was given advice as a child by my mum, and by school as a teenager after some students got mugged nearby.
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Re: Through the eyes of a rapist

Post by Stephanie » Thu Sep 23, 2021 11:01 am

Bird on a Fire wrote:
Thu Sep 23, 2021 10:47 am
When I moved to Brazil I was given advice by various well-meaning locals. Try not to "look rich" or foreign (apparently I'm a natural at that), never use electronics in public, don't walk alone late at night, don't walk on streets with no streetlights, avoid certain areas altogether, use Uber rather than taxis, etc. A couple of times homeless people came up to me in the street and warned me that they could see the outline of the phone in my pocket which could make me a target, not in a threatening way and without asking for money.

Most people I knew there had been robbed at gunpoint at some point. I heard shots every night. Someone got killed just outside my building. It does get into your head a bit, always looking over your shoulder.

Mrs BoaF grew up in similar conditions in Mexico. She says that since moving to Portugal, she still has those instincts but is a bit more relaxed when making decisions, e.g. crossed a park by herself for the first time in her life, and doesn't fear the 10 minute walk home from the station after sunset.

In Europe I never really think about this stuff, as I don't really have anything valuable and don't fear for my personal safety. But I was given advice as a child by my mum, and by school as a teenager after some students got mugged nearby.
Yeah, that's interesting - as I think there is a sort of similar "tourist advice" thing, and things like money belts that you can put cash in, in case someone nicks your bag
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Re: Through the eyes of a rapist

Post by Opti » Thu Sep 23, 2021 11:04 am

So f.cking patronising. As EPD said, I've never seen advice to men on how to not be a rapist.
ddb has had a couple of incidents, but she's f.cking fierce, she frightens people ... even me sometimes.
When we lived in Gloucestershire, she got flashed at down a quiet country lane. He drove away very fast, but she's sharp, he got nicked the next day. Apparently this guy had been 'at it' a lot. 12 months nick and a 5 year sex offender register. She got £100 compo. She actually found the whole flashing thing laughable, but she was good at 'alarmed and scared' testimony in court. Not every woman is ddb, She did it on their behalf.

Men: Just stop being rapey.
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Re: Through the eyes of a rapist

Post by Bird on a Fire » Thu Sep 23, 2021 11:11 am

Stephanie wrote:
Thu Sep 23, 2021 11:01 am
Bird on a Fire wrote:
Thu Sep 23, 2021 10:47 am
When I moved to Brazil I was given advice by various well-meaning locals. Try not to "look rich" or foreign (apparently I'm a natural at that), never use electronics in public, don't walk alone late at night, don't walk on streets with no streetlights, avoid certain areas altogether, use Uber rather than taxis, etc. A couple of times homeless people came up to me in the street and warned me that they could see the outline of the phone in my pocket which could make me a target, not in a threatening way and without asking for money.

Most people I knew there had been robbed at gunpoint at some point. I heard shots every night. Someone got killed just outside my building. It does get into your head a bit, always looking over your shoulder.

Mrs BoaF grew up in similar conditions in Mexico. She says that since moving to Portugal, she still has those instincts but is a bit more relaxed when making decisions, e.g. crossed a park by herself for the first time in her life, and doesn't fear the 10 minute walk home from the station after sunset.

In Europe I never really think about this stuff, as I don't really have anything valuable and don't fear for my personal safety. But I was given advice as a child by my mum, and by school as a teenager after some students got mugged nearby.
Yeah, that's interesting - as I think there is a sort of similar "tourist advice" thing, and things like money belts that you can put cash in, in case someone nicks your bag
Yes, I've also been given tips for more touristy travel. I still got scammed by a fake taxi* in New York, which was by far my most expensive f.ckup. And left my money belt on a sleeper train (luckily I didn't have much money, lol).

I think for me there's a bit of a difference, because when I'm on holiday I'm kind of paying attention to everything anyway. It's not like "real life". Whereas in Brazil I was mainly taking the bus to uni, visiting friends, going out on the lash, etc etc. It felt just like my normal life in the UK, but with more guns pointed at me.

Lots of big cities, including London and Lisbon, have signs up warning about pickpockets in hotspot areas (which of course are the least likely areas to be physically attacked).

*Not that one
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Re: Through the eyes of a rapist

Post by Woodchopper » Thu Sep 23, 2021 11:40 am

Bird on a Fire wrote:
Thu Sep 23, 2021 10:47 am
When I moved to Brazil I was given advice by various well-meaning locals. Try not to "look rich" or foreign (apparently I'm a natural at that), never use electronics in public, don't walk alone late at night, don't walk on streets with no streetlights, avoid certain areas altogether, use Uber rather than taxis, etc. A couple of times homeless people came up to me in the street and warned me that they could see the outline of the phone in my pocket which could make me a target, not in a threatening way and without asking for money.

Most people I knew there had been robbed at gunpoint at some point. I heard shots every night. Someone got killed just outside my building. It does get into your head a bit, always looking over your shoulder.

Mrs BoaF grew up in similar conditions in Mexico. She says that since moving to Portugal, she still has those instincts but is a bit more relaxed when making decisions, e.g. crossed a park by herself for the first time in her life, and doesn't fear the 10 minute walk home from the station after sunset.
There are things you need to do in environments like Brazil or Mexico that have far higher levels of violent crime than you find in Europe. I've even been on a training course which covered how to avoid being a victim in those environments. For example, if I'm walking on the streets in somewhere like that I just wouldn't take money or valuables with me except for a little bit of money in my pocket.
Bird on a Fire wrote:
Thu Sep 23, 2021 10:47 am
In Europe I never really think about this stuff, as I don't really have anything valuable and don't fear for my personal safety. But I was given advice as a child by my mum, and by school as a teenager after some students got mugged nearby.
I've seen quite a lot of violence in the UK (in dodgier parts of Scotland and the North East of England). I've not been back to those parts for a long time. But when there I'd go out of my way to avoid being attacked, for example avoiding certain pubs at certain times, taking taxis, not making eye contact, and if I was alone walking briskly in a straight line.

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Re: Through the eyes of a rapist

Post by Brightonian » Thu Sep 23, 2021 11:53 am

sheldrake wrote:
Thu Sep 23, 2021 9:55 am
I've never really encountered male-specific self-defence advice, but 'how would I handle getting attacked' is probably a subconscious driver for things like taking up boxing or lifting weights. Young men tend to get challenged by rival groups of young men when they're out at pubs and clubs in a kind of insane rivalry/violent sport between peers rather than the 'predator/prey' model that makes women feel unsafe.
El Pollo Diablo wrote:
Thu Sep 23, 2021 9:55 am
I remember seeing a chain email or something like that maybe twenty years ago, advising women on what to do, back when people of our generation used to forward on that sort of shite. Maybe it was a website, I don't really remember. I don't think I've ever seen advice to men on what to do to prevent attacks.

This one from a few years ago: https://youtube.com/shorts/12HYR7wQ9ZE?feature=share

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Re: Through the eyes of a rapist

Post by snoozeofreason » Thu Sep 23, 2021 12:41 pm

Bird on a Fire wrote:
Thu Sep 23, 2021 10:47 am
In Europe I never really think about this stuff, as I don't really have anything valuable and don't fear for my personal safety. But I was given advice as a child by my mum, and by school as a teenager after some students got mugged nearby.
I'm always slightly surprised when I hear things like this, as I have been attacked in the street several times over the course of my life* . I tend to assume that most men have had similar experiences, and have adjusted their behaviour accordingly. Do you look exceptionally fierce? Or was your mother's advice just very good?

* In the UK (and once in Portugal). Was unscathed while living in France, though did occasionally have moments that gave me pause for thought.
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Re: Through the eyes of a rapist

Post by sheldrake » Thu Sep 23, 2021 2:22 pm

Woodchopper wrote:
Thu Sep 23, 2021 11:40 am

I've seen quite a lot of violence in the UK (in dodgier parts of Scotland and the North East of England). I've not been back to those parts for a long time. But when there I'd go out of my way to avoid being attacked, for example avoiding certain pubs at certain times, taking taxis, not making eye contact, and if I was alone walking briskly in a straight line.
I had to learn this in my teens in a market town full of bored drunk people. Returning the stare is essentially a signal that you accept their 'challenge'.

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Re: Through the eyes of a rapist

Post by Woodchopper » Thu Sep 23, 2021 2:33 pm

sheldrake wrote:
Thu Sep 23, 2021 2:22 pm
Woodchopper wrote:
Thu Sep 23, 2021 11:40 am

I've seen quite a lot of violence in the UK (in dodgier parts of Scotland and the North East of England). I've not been back to those parts for a long time. But when there I'd go out of my way to avoid being attacked, for example avoiding certain pubs at certain times, taking taxis, not making eye contact, and if I was alone walking briskly in a straight line.
I had to learn this in my teens in a market town full of bored drunk people. Returning the stare is essentially a signal that you accept their 'challenge'.
Yes, among bored drunk young men violence is often part of a weekend's entertainment. This caused me problems as a teenager as I'm really not into violence, but the pubs which served underage drinkers were also the ones where the fights would break out every Friday or Saturday night. So we got there early and tried to leave before the trouble started. Didn't always work out. There was one night when all three exits to the pub were blocked by fights.

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Re: Through the eyes of a rapist

Post by dyqik » Thu Sep 23, 2021 2:58 pm

snoozeofreason wrote:
Thu Sep 23, 2021 12:41 pm
Bird on a Fire wrote:
Thu Sep 23, 2021 10:47 am
In Europe I never really think about this stuff, as I don't really have anything valuable and don't fear for my personal safety. But I was given advice as a child by my mum, and by school as a teenager after some students got mugged nearby.
I'm always slightly surprised when I hear things like this, as I have been attacked in the street several times over the course of my life* . I tend to assume that most men have had similar experiences, and have adjusted their behaviour accordingly. Do you look exceptionally fierce? Or was your mother's advice just very good?

* In the UK (and once in Portugal). Was unscathed while living in France, though did occasionally have moments that gave me pause for thought.
The only violence I've experienced in the streets came from kids from my school that I knew, and violently dangerous drivers attempting to run me down while cycling. Although I'm 6'2" and a top heavy 15 stone, and unlikely to go to the kind of pubs and areas where violent drinkers hang out.

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Re: Through the eyes of a rapist

Post by Tessa K » Thu Sep 23, 2021 3:16 pm

Fishnut - I hadn't seen the advice about hair before or the timing of when most rapes happen but the rest I'm familiar with. Is the timing data from the US? I wonder if it's different here.

I do carry my keys in my hand but only because it means I can get indoors more quickly if I have to run.

The advice is possibly useful to very young women who may not be aware of the dangers but for the rest of us it's just bl..dy patronising. Men should be taught to look out for women alone at night and how to keep an eye on them without appearing creepy or threatening. I really doubt many men, especially young ones, know just how bad it can be for women - and not just at night.

The travel advice is basically to think like a Londoner and ramp it up a bit (substitute large city of your choice).

In some respects my height helps out on the street at night as from a distance I look like a man if I'm wearing a long coat but I know that it makes only a very small difference and I've had some unpleasant (but not awful) experiences. More police on the streets would help but that's not going to happen.

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Re: Through the eyes of a rapist

Post by snoozeofreason » Thu Sep 23, 2021 3:24 pm

dyqik wrote:
Thu Sep 23, 2021 2:58 pm
snoozeofreason wrote:
Thu Sep 23, 2021 12:41 pm
Bird on a Fire wrote:
Thu Sep 23, 2021 10:47 am
In Europe I never really think about this stuff, as I don't really have anything valuable and don't fear for my personal safety. But I was given advice as a child by my mum, and by school as a teenager after some students got mugged nearby.
I'm always slightly surprised when I hear things like this, as I have been attacked in the street several times over the course of my life* . I tend to assume that most men have had similar experiences, and have adjusted their behaviour accordingly. Do you look exceptionally fierce? Or was your mother's advice just very good?

* In the UK (and once in Portugal). Was unscathed while living in France, though did occasionally have moments that gave me pause for thought.
The only violence I've experienced in the streets came from kids from my school that I knew, and violently dangerous drivers attempting to run me down while cycling. Although I'm 6'2" and a top heavy 15 stone, and unlikely to go to the kind of pubs and areas where violent drinkers hang out.
I am 5'6" if I stretch a bit. It would be rather depressing if there was some straightforward inverse correlation between height and experiences of violence (on the receiving end, that is) but I wouldn't be that surprised.

Coming back to Fishnut's original question, I am not sure whether men get much advice about how to avoid being attacked. Like many of us who have shared on this thread, I grew up in a culture where it was just accepted that violence between men was, at best, an occupational hazard of maleness and, at worst, a healthy recreation. Men, I think, do swap advice on what to do if you are attacked, but I suspect that most of it is fairly useless. If you get attacked, it will probably be by someone who has been getting into fights, and often winning them, since the age of eight, and nothing you learn in Judo or Karate classes is going to trump that experience.

I have so far avoided serious injury by being able to run reasonably fast, so my advice would be to try that (and make sure you are wearing footwear that is easy to run in). And if it's just money that your assailant wants, give to them.
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Re: Through the eyes of a rapist

Post by nezumi » Thu Sep 23, 2021 3:59 pm

I come from one of the dodgier bits of the North East of England so I've seen quite a lot of fights. Never been scared around them though because they only involve blokes. Any women involved are usually just there in a verbal capacity. I've even been involved in a couple of them, once defending my boyfriend when I was 16 from muggers ( 3 vs 1 is not fair. And for the record, I won - the one I hit back was reduced to biting me on the leg :lol: Had to get hepatitis shots.) I would never start a fight though - I'm a non-violent woman, I just really dislike unfairness. I've been attacked in the street twice that I remember.

I've seen a lot of victim blaming advice and definitely even used some of the tactics on that there list! I don't object to the advice or even the way it's put though. I've put a hell of a lot of thought into the causes of, prevention of and dealing with the aftermath of rape for reasons I have made clear elsewhere and won't repeat. The advice itself is solid. I'd also add things like trying to break yourself of automatic politeness as a habit, learning red flags in interactions, learning about the process of abuse and so on. I hate that it's necessary and I honestly do not believe a sizeable proportion of men are potential or actual rapists. There are gradations of rapey bastard and there is a branching career path. At the top end of the scale we have serial violent rapists, then we have coercive rape, date rape, manipulative rape, I never thought I'd say that word so many times in one paragraph and I haven't even run out of types! The underlying desire is power and control (with the added bonus of satisfying a fetish in many cases) but rapists are rare.

Everyone needs to know these tactics to protect themselves but we cannot change the fact that the majority of victims are women so advice does need to be aimed at women and it is f.cking hard not to sound condescending. The vast majority of people are not rapists or murderers or muggers, but there is always a chance of bumping into one. So the information is need to know on an immediate level. Even if you struggle to reduce demand, you can put the brakes on supply. Rapists particularly liking skirt-wearing ponytailed women doesn't mean cut your hair and wear jeans - chances are this rapey bastard has scissors but using lots of tactics simultaneously will help towards you not being a victim. The victim is not to blame, blame always belongs to the attacker. Giving advice like this is not the only tactic we can use as a society. We can also educate young men on how not to be rapey at the same time. But the advice is important because rapey bastards exist in reality now and no amount of educating young men changes that for at least the next decade. Even then there will still be older rapey bastards wandering about because nobody has bothered to put them in prison.

We have to teach ourselves and others how not to be victims because reality. It's a shame this gets used after the fact to blame victims for not automatically knowing the contents of the list via osmosis or for taking a risk once in a while because she's f.cking human.
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Re: Through the eyes of a rapist

Post by Tessa K » Thu Sep 23, 2021 4:10 pm

nezumi wrote:
Thu Sep 23, 2021 3:59 pm


We have to teach ourselves and others how not to be victims because reality. It's a shame this gets used after the fact to blame victims for not automatically knowing the contents of the list via osmosis or for taking a risk once in a while because she's f.cking human.

Very much this.

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Re: Through the eyes of a rapist

Post by monkey » Thu Sep 23, 2021 4:38 pm

I'm a cis straight white* man. I was given advice on how to avoid being attacked, throughout school, 6th form, and Uni. It was usually done by the police and mostly with relation to getting mugged. It was mostly stuff like be aware of your surroundings and keep to well lit areas, as in the 1st paragraph of the OP. None this was exclusive to us males, but when it came to sexual assault it seemed to be female specific or targeted to women, even if I was still in the room. I don't think I've ever been given advice about how not to get attacked in any way specifically because I am male.

I have seen stuff like the "through the eyes of a rapist" shared before. Not sure I have seen a version with what seems to be so much dodgy stuff in it all at once though. The bit about getting attacked in parking lots seems to be a popular one on Facebook, often describing tricks attackers will use to distract you while getting into your car. These are more likely to be shared by my American friends/acquaintances than anyone else (or it seems that way).

I have been given advice on how to do things like walk down the same road as a woman by herself before (cross the road, etc.) - but not in any formal setting, just general discussion and social media. But that's not about how not to attack someone or not be attacked, that's more about doing your best to put someone else at ease.



*I think the additional information is important here, I know the thread is about men and women and I don't want to distract from this, but people are attacked for multiple reasons that aren't what I am.

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Re: Through the eyes of a rapist

Post by dyqik » Thu Sep 23, 2021 6:59 pm

To answer the poll question, I'm a cis het tall white man (and immigrant, but not obviously so, and I've only twice had racist/xenophobic abuse due to being a foreigner), and while I'm aware that advice such as is being referred to exists, I've never had to directly sent or taught to me.

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Re: Through the eyes of a rapist

Post by Cardinal Fang » Thu Sep 23, 2021 7:47 pm

Years ago at the uni I went to, one of the societies made an attempt (in response to an official SU document given to female students full of the normal "stay in well lit areas", "don't walk alone", "think about what you wear" sort of "advice" that implies that if you get assaulted it's your fault) to put out some alternative rape prevention tips

Caused quite a stir because there were a raft of "not all men" type comments from lots of outraged people seemingly pissed off that the onus on avoiding rapes should be on men rather than women. But what struck me the most and has stayed with me a couple of decades on is how offended people seemed to be about the argument being framed as "men, just don't rape women" rather than "women - do all these things to avoid getting attacked" - even though, to my mind, the "if women don't dress modestly, stay at home, avoid alcohol etc, then they're responsible for what happens to them" argument is more offensive to men because it implies that men are incapable of control in the first place and that you require certain dress codes and certain behaviours to be employed so that you don't just jump someone i.e. that requiring women to temper their behaviour presumes the natural state of men is rapist

Held on to the leaflet for years just as an interesting example of framing the issue differently - here's a pic I took of it at some point

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Re: Through the eyes of a rapist

Post by Grumble » Thu Sep 23, 2021 9:46 pm

I’m on a running page on Facebook and recently with the nights coming earlier I’ve posted a few photos of my night runs. Normally I run trail runs, out in the countryside, no-one around at all so I feel quite safe from people. (Slightly worried about hurting myself but I have a tracker running that Mrs G can see.) However I got a lot of comments from women about how scary they would find it to be running in the dark. I knew it was an issue for women but I hadn’t really appreciated how deeply it was felt. On the flip side I did get a few women saying they love running at night, so it’s not all one way by any means, but I wish the 80% or whatever the % is felt safe enough to go for runs when it suits them rather than having to miss out entirely. It’s a barrier to getting fit that I don’t have as a man.

Some of the comments were more concerned about horror films than real worries mind you, so I’m not sure they were all serious.
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Re: Through the eyes of a rapist

Post by sheldrake » Thu Sep 23, 2021 10:07 pm

snoozeofreason wrote:
Thu Sep 23, 2021 3:24 pm
Men, I think, do swap advice on what to do if you are attacked, but I suspect that most of it is fairly useless. If you get attacked, it will probably be by someone who has been getting into fights, and often winning them, since the age of eight, and nothing you learn in Judo or Karate classes is going to trump that experience.
Things that involve a competitive, realistic simulation of a fight help if you train in them seriously for a long time. Judo can. Wrestling and boxing even better. The problem is that kind of training basically amounts to getting beaten up regularly anyway, albeit in a controlled environment.

Karate and other things that involve just drilling through pre-set routines or completely cooperative training partners and promise to magically overcome all strength and aggression differences are mostly b.llsh.t.
Last edited by sheldrake on Thu Sep 23, 2021 10:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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