Scrutable

VLADIMIR:
Listen!

They listen, grotesquely rigid. #

ESTRAGON:
I hear nothing.

VLADIMIR:
Hsst! (They listen. Estragon loses his balance, almost falls. He clutches the arm of Vladimir, who totters. They listen, huddled together.) Nor I.

Sighs of relief. They relax and separate.

ESTRAGON:
You gave me a fright.

VLADIMIR:
I thought it was he.

ESTRAGON:
Who?

VLADIMIR:
Brexit.

ESTRAGON:
Pah! The wind in the reeds.

VLADIMIR:
I could have sworn I heard shouts.

ESTRAGON:
And why would he shout?

VLADIMIR:
At his horse.

Silence.

ESTRAGON:
(violently). I'm hungry!

VLADIMIR:
Do you want a carrot?

ESTRAGON:
Is that all there is?

VLADIMIR:
I might have some turnips.

ESTRAGON:
Give me a carrot. (Vladimir rummages in his pockets, takes out a turnip and gives it to Estragon who takes a bite out of it. Angrily.) It's a turnip!

VLADIMIR:
Oh pardon! I could have sworn it was a carrot. (He rummages again in his pockets, finds nothing but turnips.) All that's turnips. (He rummages.) You must have eaten the last. (He rummages.) Wait, I have it. (He brings out a carrot andgives it to Estragon.) There, dear fellow. # (Estragon wipes the carrot on his sleeve and begins to eat it.) Make it last, that's the end of them.

ESTRAGON:
(chewing). I asked you a question.

VLADIMIR:
Ah.

ESTRAGON:
Did you reply?

VLADIMIR:
How's the carrot?

ESTRAGON:
It's a carrot.

VLADIMIR:
So much the better, so much the better. (Pause.) What was it you wanted to know?

ESTRAGON:
I've forgotten. (Chews.) That's what annoys me. (He looks at the carrot appreciatively, dangles it between finger and thumb.) I'll never forget this carrot. (He sucks the end of it meditatively.) Ah yes, now I remember.

VLADIMIR:
Well?

ESTRAGON:
(his mouth full, vacuously). We're not tied?

VLADIMIR:
I don't hear a word you're saying.

ESTRAGON:
(chews, swallows). I'm asking you if we're tied.

VLADIMIR:
Tied?

ESTRAGON:
Ti-ed.

VLADIMIR:
How do you mean tied?

ESTRAGON:
Down.

VLADIMIR:
But to whom? By whom?

ESTRAGON:
To your man.

VLADIMIR:
To Brexit? Tied to Brexit! What an idea! No question of it. (Pause.) For the moment.

ESTRAGON:
His name is Brexit?

VLADIMIR:
I think so.

ESTRAGON:
Fancy that. (He raises what remains of the carrot by the stub of leaf, twirls it before his eyes.) Funny, the more you eat the worse it gets.

VLADIMIR:
With me it's just the opposite.

ESTRAGON:
In other words?

VLADIMIR:
I get used to the muck as I go along.

ESTRAGON:
(after prolonged reflection). Is that the opposite?

VLADIMIR:
Question of temperament.

ESTRAGON:
Of character.

VLADIMIR:
Nothing you can do about it.

ESTRAGON:
No use struggling.

VLADIMIR:
One is what one is.

ESTRAGON:
No use wriggling.

VLADIMIR:
The essential doesn't change.

ESTRAGON:
Nothing to be done. (He proffers the remains of the carrot to Vladimir.) Like to finish it?

VLADIMIR:
I'm cold!

ESTRAGON:
Wait! (He moves away from Vladimir.) I sometimes wonder if we wouldn't have been better off alone, each one for himself. (He crosses the stage and sits down on the mound.) We weren't made for the same road.

VLADIMIR:
(without anger). It's not certain.

ESTRAGON:
No, nothing is certain.

Vladimir slowly crosses the stage and sits down beside Estragon. #

VLADIMIR:
We can still part, if you think it would be better.

ESTRAGON:
It's not worthwhile now.

Silence.

VLADIMIR:
No, it's not worthwhile now.

Silence.

ESTRAGON:
Well, shall we go?

VLADIMIR:
Yes, let's go.

They do not move.