Get well soon Boris

[purplehaze]

I wish him and his family well

Which one?

Anyway, I'm surprised someone as wealthy and important Johnson isn't in a private hospital.

Oh wait, they only cherry-pick the easy stuff and leave the difficult stuff to the NHS.

His family.

His children have different mums who have their own family who share a dad.

Blur wrote a song about this once or something.

[jimbob]

I suggested on fb that clapping for Bozo was in fact the right wing version of virtue signalling...

I'll leave it to your imagination how well that went down...

Nice

Also there was nothing here. Not even from the Tory voters across the road

[Martin Y]

He's not your f.cking mate, and if he was, he'd have tried to f.ck your wife by now.

Holy sh.t, lmao

Okay now that's my tee shirt of the day right there folks.

[jdc]

I suggested on fb that clapping for Bozo was in fact the right wing version of virtue signalling...

I'll leave it to your imagination how well that went down...

Nice

Also there was nothing here. Not even from the Tory voters across the road

I opened the window just before 8pm to listen out for the clapping. It was lovely - distant traffic noises and a single bird call. Wish I'd been recording now.

[El Pollo Diablo]

Have the private lospitals not all been commandeered?

[Boustrophedon]

He probably, almost certainly, got the coronavirus from not following social distancing and basic hygiene advice; Clap for Boris, he's probably already got that already given that he evidently doesn't know how to use a condom.

Sympathy: Zero

[Bird on a Fire]

I suggested on fb that clapping for Bozo was in fact the right wing version of virtue signalling...

I'll leave it to your imagination how well that went down...

Nice

Also there was nothing here. Not even from the Tory voters across the road

I opened the window just before 8pm to listen out for the clapping. It was lovely - distant traffic noises and a single bird call. Wish I'd been recording now.

f.cking outrageous that those lickspittle bird c.nts would call for Boris.

Get me their names and I'll see to it that they are shunned by the community #BirdsBoycottBoris

[Bird on a Fire]

Have the private lospitals not all been commandeered?

Think you've made a typo there, EPD.

Johnson currently finds himself in lolspital.

[secret squirrel]

f.cking outrageous that those lickspittle bird c.nts would call for Boris.

Get me their names and I'll see to it that they are shunned by the community #BirdsBoycottBoris

Mao knew.

[Stephanie]

My husband looked out the window to play spot the Tory. Apparently two guys trying their best to make loads of noise, and that was really it. Still, can't wait for Johnson to register at Scrutable to read the best wishes here for him. I'm sure that will make up for the lack of clapping.

[El Pollo Diablo]

Have the private lospitals not all been commandeered?

Think you've made a typo there, EPD.

Johnson currently finds himself in lolspital.

I just think that lospital is a more fun word than hospital, which is dreary and depressing.

[El Pollo Diablo]

Allison Pearson, sorry, PEARSON, is quoted on the front page of the telegraph today.

The health of Boris is the health of the nation. We need you, Prime Minister, give it everything you've got

The Sun's headline is

NATION UNITED ON STRICKEN PM

He stayed at work for you.. [sic] now pray at home for him

The Mail says

'BORIS IS A FIGHTER... HE'LL PULL THROUGH'

And the Express features a photo of a team of medical staff holding up signs that say "GETWELLSOON BORIS" (the parsing isn't great), with the headline

BORIS 'WILL PULL THROUGH'

The Times features the same photo with the headline

Britain sends message of hope to battling Johnson

without really discussing said message of hope in the body text.

The Metro reads

WE'RE WITH YOU BORIS!

The FT giveth not a sh.t

Whilst the Star goes with

SATURDAY NIGHT HAY FEVER

dealing with the pressing issue of the worst pollen counts for 70 years. Which arguably is of more genuine concern to more actual people.

[jimbob]

From Twitter

Friendswithbenefitsticks
@Supernaught85
·
3h
Replying to
@MattCarr55
I'll proudly be crapping for Boris. Its the least he deserves

[insignificant]

Allison Pearson, sorry, PEARSON, is quoted on the front page of the telegraph today.

The health of Boris is the health of the nation. We need you, Prime Minister, give it everything you've got

Grail Figure: What is the secret of the Grail? Who does it serve?

Allison: You, my lord.

Grail Figure: Who am I?

Allison: You are my lord and king. You are Boris.

Grail Figure: Have you found the secret that I have lost?

Allison: Yes. You and the land are one.

[Martin Y]

Allison Pearson, sorry, PEARSON, is quoted on the front page of the telegraph today.

The health of Boris is the health of the nation. We need you, Prime Minister, give it everything you've got

Grail Figure: What is the secret of the Grail? Who does it serve?

Allison: You, my lord.

Grail Figure: Who am I?

Allison: You are my lord and king. You are Boris.

Grail Figure: Have you found the secret that I have lost?

Allison: Yes. You and the land are one.

They moved the May bank holiday to have a Happy 75th Birthday VE Day thing instead but now any public events are off. Maybe instead we could shoehorn in a day of national celebration for when the father of the nation* recovers. The church bells can ring again and he can do a Churchillesque speech about how we can allow ourselves a brief period of rejoicing but no touching and how he has nothing to offer us but a list of bodily fluids.

*Well, parts of it.

[tenchboy]

Allison Pearson, sorry, PEARSON, is quoted on the front page of the telegraph today.

The health of Boris is the health of the nation. We need you, Prime Minister, give it everything you've got

Grail Figure: What is the secret of the Grail? Who does it serve?

Allison: You, my lord.

Grail Figure: Who am I?

Allison: You are my lord and king. You are Boris.

Grail Figure: Have you found the secret that I have lost?

Allison: Yes. You and the land are one.

I was thinking more...
Boris! I love you! But we only have twenny eight days to save the earth!

[lpm]

An announcement says he's clinically stable and in good spirits.

If he dies, they'll say he's dead but remains in good spirits and continues to run the country.

[El Pollo Diablo]

It's c.nts like Allison PEARSON who will call for a f.cking state funeral if he kicks it.

[JQH]

Bit difficult with social distancing and all. They could keep him in a fridge until the epidemic's over I suppose.

Which brings me to another point. If the queen or Prince Philip kick the bucket, will they be buried quietly or kept on ice waiting for better times?

[lpm]

They could keep him in a fridge until the epidemic's over I suppose.

Government spokesperson: His condition inside the freezer is unchanged and he remains in good spirits. He continues to run the country.

[minusnine]

They could keep him in a fridge until the epidemic's over I suppose.

Government spokesperson: His condition inside the freezer is unchanged and he remains in good spirits. He continues to run the country.

If he’s in good spirits he’ll keep a while anyway, they may not need the freezer. Not an admiral I’d want to be tapping though...

[Little waster]

They could keep him in a fridge until the epidemic's over I suppose.

Government spokesperson: His condition inside the freezer is unchanged and he remains in good spirits. He BRAVELY continues to run the country. Let's all clap to show our appreciation of the masterful and dignified way he is decomposing inside a box.

FTFY

[purplehaze]

I would have thought that being in an ICU would have meant a catheter inserted.

You can't have patients wandering around the ICU asking where the toilets are. Plus urinary output does need to be recorded hourly.

[Martin Y]

"He is no better. He is much the same." is stuck in my head now.

Will we have a new Boris Hall to hold the Proms in, and a Boris Memorial outside it in the park? Get your crayons out. Time for a design competition.

[Vertigowooyay]

Oh my, how could this possibly have happened on the Express picture desk? I'm sure there'll be a fulsome apology in due course.

express lies.png (256.31 KiB) Viewed 9760 times